So old
Oh, hello to all my new subscribers! I’m not sure why so many people have hopped on my train in recent days, but I love you all already. I also now feel very badly for how infrequently I’ve been writing lately. I intend to mend my ways. Part of the problem has to do with uncertain priorities. For instance, today I made a to-do list (MITs is what we call them at work, our Most Important Things) and on my list was: plan spy party, plan better future, buy chicken. Each felt equally daunting, equally pressing, and I ended up accomplishing none of them, instead opting to watch the first Harry Potter movie with my seven year old, which—oh, I can’t even.
And now for this edition of: Embarrassing Things That Happened to Me This Week:
I let the New York Times explain TikTok to me.
I got a $100 ticket for having my dog off leash in the park, never mind that among the five dog owners all executing a similar crime, I was the only one who got busted. I want to argue in court disparate application of the law, which violates my right to equal protection (thanks Constitution!), but really what happened is that I couldn’t be bothered to run away like the other dog parents did because I wasn’t wearing the right shoes. And now that my shoe money has to be spent paying my ticket, who thinks this isn’t gonna happen again?
I got noticed by strangers for singing about my dog on the street, not realizing I was singing out loud. I do sing about him a lot, but, I mean, out loud on the street?
I was at a bar, trying to make change for a tip from the tip jar and was saying, loudly, that this was like that Seinfeld episode, but because I am 740 years old, the bartender just asked me politely to please “remove my hand from the jar.”
I met someone who knew my dad and since my dad was a fairly intimidating and scary man, I thought I’d preempt her anxiety about knowing what to say by acknowledging that he was a fairly intimidating and scary man, at which point she looked at me with, I dunno, disgust? surprise? disapproval? because I don’t think she saw that side of him and anyway, who speaks about a dead parent like that while eating quinoa at a reading in the East Village?
I will close with a highlight for the week, though, which is Lech, by Sara Lippmann. I just bought it. I think it’s gonna be good.
More soon, people. For reals.
I can really relate to your embarrassing moments. I tend to talk to myself all the time or my dog. My family makes fun of me for it. Fair enough. But, I always have someone to talk to.
I love the community of middle-aged people I'm finding here and on TikTok and IG etc. These tools aren't just for the kids :-) Community makes us stronger. Let's do this.