Some of this, some of that

No pictures today!

Hi, friends. So, after last week’s post, two people unsubscribed from ye old newsletter. Like, right away. Which makes the experience of putting out this little newsletter every week different from, say, publishing a novel. Sure, you get bad reviews and a whole lotta malice from folks on Goodreads, but there’s some degree of anonymity and aggregation associated with this feedback that makes it easier to tolerate than the instant and correlating rejection of a newsletter UNsubscribe. Of course, by sharing all this with you, I am kinda making it impossible for any of you to unsubscribe without feeling bad—sorry—but, also, I’m not really apologizing (#sorrynotsorry!) because one of my criteria for newsletter content is that I always be honest, no matter how humiliating.

After someone unsubs, my first thought is usually that my post was too frivolous, glib, and navel-gazing. That I should better spend my time on cultural criticism and leave all my breezy Gen-X-type self-loathing behind. Except all that Gen-X self-loathing is *the* premise for this newsletter!

I’m writing a novel now—have been for years—about a certain kind of gendered uncertainty about what is and is not okay to feel. The novel’s about many things, but that is one of them. I find myself playing out these types of uncertainties all the time. Can I be angry about X? Upset at Y? Should I just suck it up? I am a person who generally sucks it up. I hate conflict. As a result, I tend not to fight for my relationships. Oh well.

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In terms of ART:

I started reading Milkman this week, which is pleasing so far.

I saw the Alpinist and Soul, which actually have quite a bit in common. Both are about what it means to be alive as opposed to just existing. I recommend them.

Finally, for work, I was part of a film team that interviewed Hillary Transue, who was jailed as part of the “kids for cash” scandal that brought down a PA judge. She is such a lovely human who tells a really compelling and sad story about what happened to her. We also interviewed Cynthia Alvarado, who shared with us the appalling things she experienced and witnessed behind bars. It was all very difficult to hear; I can’t even imagine what it was like to endure. All of which has me thinking about the amazing women out there who suffer so much but never break. And about our justice system, which seems to fail relentlessly despite the individuals who are trying to save it every day. Systems are never designed with people in mind. On the contrary, they go out of their way to dismiss context and humanity. But I’m not saying anything new here.

Finally: the live cam from the bald eagles’s nest in Big Bear. I am starting to obsess over what wallpaper to get for one wall in my small bedroom and realizing that what I really want is to project this live cam 24-7. What can I look at every night before bed and first thing in the morning that will make me happy? My daughter, yes, and also: the eagles’ nest live cam.

Have a good week, everyone. Also, sidebar, one of the UNsubs from last week is someone I used to date so I should probably stop fixating on their reasons for jumping ship, right? Or maybe, actually, I should fixate even more…