I’ve read that people tend to regret action that ends badly more than inaction that ends badly, and for the past few days, I have been trying to educate myself about inaction and why people fail to act in moments of crisis. Here’s why: The other day my sweet little puppy was attacked by a giant, Cerebus-type creature while we were out on a walk. I won’t spare you the details: it took six people to get this monster off my dog; there was blood everywhere; people were screaming. After, the owner just shrugged and walked away, while my puppy needed multiple stitches, sedation, and weeks (if not months) of repair—to his psyche, for starters.
Ehhhh. If that is what freezing is, then what do you call it when your mind goes blank and you feel nothing because your faculty for thought and feeling has stalled in a moment of extreme tsuris? How can they both be freezing? I didn't want my dog to die. On the contrary, I thought his death was forgone and because I decided he was going to die, I chose to accept it. Choice!
Fiona this is horrifying. I’m so so sorry. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear—you’re too subtle and smart and willful and original to tolerate a pat psychological explanation—but everything you describe about your experience is consistent with trauma: witnessing the violent event, the detachment you experienced as it unfolded, the intrusive memories after, the negative thoughts about your culpability and what it says about your character, feelings of shame, etc. I don’t mean to add to your woes by reducing your response to a diagnosis. But know that most people freeze, there’s a shit ton of neuroscientific theory to explain why. I don’t think you need to posit some unconscious wish that you wanted your dog to die. You did nothing wrong. In fact, in the moment, your body did exactly what it was supposed to do. And don’t forget that you did ultimately act and started hitting the other dog.
Ehhhh. If that is what freezing is, then what do you call it when your mind goes blank and you feel nothing because your faculty for thought and feeling has stalled in a moment of extreme tsuris? How can they both be freezing? I didn't want my dog to die. On the contrary, I thought his death was forgone and because I decided he was going to die, I chose to accept it. Choice!
Fiona this is horrifying. I’m so so sorry. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear—you’re too subtle and smart and willful and original to tolerate a pat psychological explanation—but everything you describe about your experience is consistent with trauma: witnessing the violent event, the detachment you experienced as it unfolded, the intrusive memories after, the negative thoughts about your culpability and what it says about your character, feelings of shame, etc. I don’t mean to add to your woes by reducing your response to a diagnosis. But know that most people freeze, there’s a shit ton of neuroscientific theory to explain why. I don’t think you need to posit some unconscious wish that you wanted your dog to die. You did nothing wrong. In fact, in the moment, your body did exactly what it was supposed to do. And don’t forget that you did ultimately act and started hitting the other dog.